Everyone’s ranting about politics today, it seems, so I guess I should, too. But since my range of acquaintances runs from gay socialist actors through libertarian atheist science fiction writers all the way over to conservative fundamentalist preachers, all of whom just seem to assume that all the Right People agree entirely with their positions on everything, and I don’t want to exclude anyone, I’ve decided to make my rant interactive. Make your own selections from the options provided, or simply fill in the blanks!
I think this captures the flavor of political “debate” I’ve been seeing recently:
McCain/Obama/Palin/Biden/Harper/Layton/Dion/_________ is a canker on the body politic of this great country!
He/she/they/_______ will strip us of our most treasured freedoms if we allow him/her/them/________ to retain/gain power!
His/her/their campaign ads are full of lies and smears, as well as lying smears, smeary lies, and really mean fibs!
It’s time for our man/woman/party/________ to take off the kid gloves and fight back with the facts, which are clearly on our side.
Indeed, we would already have this election won if not for the fact the mainstream media/talk radio/bloggers/_______ is/are clearly covering up the misdeeds and radical left-wing/radical right-wing/downright nutty/________ beliefs of our opponents, and if not for the even more frightening fact that so many Americans/Canadians are too stupid/blind/misinformed/drunk/_______ to see that by electing McCain/Obama/Palin/Biden/Harper/Layton/Dion/______ they are flirting with the complete destruction of our country/our freedoms/our international reputation/our economy/our environment/our long weekends/our ______________.
This is the most important election in history, my friends. As was the last one, and the one before that.
Do not let those evil/scheming/lying/stupid/racist/terrorist-loving/_____________ Republicans/Democrats/Conservatives/New Democrats/Liberals/Greens/________ gain/retain power. Talk to your friends/relatives/co-workers/plumber/hairdresser/analyst/__________.
Make them see the truth: that the only possible way to vote this election is exactly the way you’re going to vote, which I am confident is exactly the way I’m going to vote, and if they can’t see that, then they’re stupid/blind/blindly stupid/stupidly blind/____________, and you’re not going to be friends with them any more. Pphhhht!
Remember, only by working together can we ____________________!
I’m Edward Willett, and I approve/disapprove/can’ t believe I just wrote/________ this message.