I’ve occasionally posted about the annual Bulwer-Lytton contest for the worst beginnings for novels. Now the Washington Post has inverted that and run a contest for the worst possible endings to novels. (Via Scott Edelman.)
The winner:
As the wail of the nearing sirens shook him awake, Todd rose from the charred remains of Rensfield Manor, wiped the ectoplasm from his brow and, stuffing the Amulet of Valtor inside his shirt, gazed ruefully at the venom-encrusted Sword of Darjan, realizing that this long night wasn’t over yet, because he still had a heck of a lot of explaining to do. (LuAnn Bishop, West Haven, Conn.)
My personal favorite, though, probably because I’m in the throes of revision of Terra Insegura:
He had only 75 words to go on his contractually required novel of 50,000 words. A guy could say a lot in 75 words, like “Pudding is best when it’s warm.” He wondered whether to count hyphenated words as two words. Strange thoughts come to a fellow at times like these. Should he have written “50,000” as “fifty thousand”? He was close enough to count down: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2. (Art Grinath)
Just for fun, here are the actual endings of my novels to date (I don’t think there’s much in the way of spoilers here):
Soulworm: She had explored a world and a life strange beyond imagining; it was time to explore her own.
The Dark Unicorn: A slow grin spread across her face, then she ran to join him.
Andy Nebula, Interstellar Rock Star: I sighed and closed my eyes again, this time in complete satisfaction. “Never heard of him. My name’s Kit.”
Spirit Singer: Kalar took her hand, his fingers warm and strong around hers. “Some of them,” he said, “have their good points.”
Lost in Translation: Kathryn cleared her throat. “Actually,” she said, “that’s what we want to talk to you about…”
Marseguro: On a mission of mercy, MSS Victor Hansen headed for Earth.
And, in a world premiere sneak peak:
Terra Insegura: “All right, then,” he said. “Let’s go home.”
1 comments
Aw, man – totally ruined the ending for Terra Insegura! I’m cancelling my pre-order… 🙂
Actually, that’s kind of a cool idea – some novels seem to build and build to this amazing climax, then it’s like the author was saying, “Well, that’s as far as I really wanted to go…” I’ve read a couple of decent novels with really disappointing denouements. It would be cool if one of them ended with “It was a dark and stormy night”, though.