Many years ago I took it into my head to turn a short story of mine, “The Dragonslayer, “into one-act stage musical, intended for high schools. In brief, it was about a teenager who was a whiz at killing dragons when playing Dungeons & Dragons, who gets called into an alternate world to deal with a real dragon after a demon mistakes his roleplaying abilitiy for real-life ability.
I still haven’t written it.
However, I just came across two of the song lyrics I wrote for it, and spruced them up a bit just for fun.
And here they are!
The Wizard’s Song
I am the Wizard
The singular Wizard
The proper-noun Wizard
I’m one of a kind.
I’m master of monsters,
A changer of skins,
I like to throw fireballs–
It helps me unwind.
I’ve made princes tremble and quiver with fright,
I’ve wiped out whole kingdoms with hail and blight.
It wasn’t for money or some little slight
That they’d done to me—no, I just did it for spite!
For I am the Wizard
The singular Wizard
The proper-noun Wizard
I’m one of a kind!
(He steps into the pentagram on the floor.)
I call on rain and thunder and the mighty winds that roar,
I call on fire and flood and things that lurk outside the door,
I call on hell and heaven and the seven planes between,
To things that have not been, and never must be ever, seen.
I call to creatures that, within a nightmare, set men screamin’…
I call, I call, I summon you, to come and serve me–DEMON!
(The DEMON appears.)
Here is the task I set for you, oh creature of the night.
Fly forth from here and search the worlds that lie behind our sight.
Seek out for me a warrior, one of such exceeding might,
That he can rid our land of this abominable plight.
Bring back for me an answer to the Lord King’s fervent prayer:
Bring back to me a man to be our Kingdom’s DRAGONSLAYER!
(The DEMON departs.)
Yes, I am the Wizard
The singular Wizard
The proper-noun Wizard
I’m something to see.
(Nothing is happening, but the song continues.)
Um…
I control demons
I can … um…grow leemons
Marvellous leemons
Just for your tea.
I–
(The Demon returns.)
Thank goodness!
***
The Good Knight Song
Once upon, upon a time
There was a very special knight.
A knight who wore a metal suit
And fought for the right.
The knight lived in a castle grim,
As all good knights are wont to do,
Why, if you were a real good knight,
You’d live in one too.
This knight rode out one sunny day.
And as he rode the day away
He came upon a scary sight:
A dragon in flight.
The worm came down and landed in
The road that was in front of him
And roared at him and threatened to
Burn all his hair white.
But the good knight wasn’t fearful,
No, the good knight wasn’t scared;
(No, the good knight wasn’t stupid!)
Instead he just glared.
For the good knight had a long pike,
Made of sharpened steel and pine,
And he warned the worm, “I’ll stick this
“Where the sun don’t shine.”
Then the dragon thought over,
Said, “I’m just not in the mood
“To fight an armored warrior.
“And I don’t like canned food.”
Then he spread his wings to fly,
But the good knight, pike to fore,
Spurred his steed, and through the dragon
The steel point tore.
Now the dragon’s head’s a trophy
That hangs just above the door,
And his hide’s a shiny rug of scales
Covering the floor.
And the good knight’s many visitors
Never the see the little hole
He keeps tucked under the sofa:
The hole made with his pole.
